The Four of Swords

Themes: Rest, Relaxation, Rejuvenation, Taking a step back, Alone time

My 4 of Swords Story

Time & space to cocoon

For my 31st birthday, I embarked on a solo road trip from San Francisco down to Palm Springs, California. My friends were concerned about me being all alone, “Are you sure you’ll be okay? Won’t you feel lonely?” Perhaps I will, and yet something within me knocked — I need this.

I had quit a job a month earlier after burning out without another job lined up. Working 12 hour days for 9 months straight in a chaotic environment and an unhelpful boss that everyone hated became too much to handle. Looking back, I could have set better boundaries, but if I were to be honest with myself — I threw myself into work because I was in grief from a bad break-up 9 months ago, from a tumultuous on-again-off-again relationship. Of course at the time, all I knew was that I was exhausted, angry and confused; I needed a break from the life as I knew it.

I had vague notions of what I wanted to do next, but I had been through a breakneck Saturn Return, 3 years of life and I needed time alone to clear my thoughts. Driving down the long picture-esque Route 1, along the California coast in my tiny red Honda Fit, the Smashing Pumpkin’s Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness blasted on loop on my 12 hour drive, as an anthem for my angst, heartbreak …and infinite sadness.

This line from the song, Galapagos, stuck out in particular:

“I won’t deny the pain
I won’t deny the change
And should I fall from grace
Here with you
Will you leave me too?”

Just Me, myself & my mind

I knew I needed to face the pain I had buried. And I knew I needed to change. But too much happened in the past few years, and the least I could do was give myself the space to process. When I got to Palm Springs, I did little. Mainly, I sat in the dry desert heat by the pool with a Corona, staring at the palm trees in contemplation. “What am I doing with my life?”

In those days before a regular meditation practice, drinking by the pool, staring at palm trees was as close as I got to meditation — a way to come to a place of emptiness and stillness. Review my life, the lessons to be learned so that I can return to life with more clarity.

In a journal entry, dated October 18, 2010, when I got home, I wrote:

“Somehow, this 6 day event gave me a greater sense of self. Maybe it’s from all of that driving and being so alone with myself and only myself. But I do feel different now. Like when I walk around, I am walking with myself, and that is okay. I feel like I still feel fear, but that the fear is okay. For the first time in my life I am more okay with myself than I had ever been before.“

It was what I needed. Was I lonely? I had my moments. But I needed that alone time to be completely with my own thoughts. No one else to distract me or trigger my inner people-pleaser, tending to others rather than the true, absolute vacation of my mind.

A step back, so that I can begin again

This road trip was exactly the ‘step back’ I needed to recharge and regroup before I began again. I felt clear about the direction I wanted to take, and a few months later, the exact job I was hoping for manifested. Would it have happened even if I didn’t give myself time and spaciousness? Perhaps. But I wouldn’t have felt as ready to tackle this new beginning. It was self love, self care to give myself that space. For that, I am forever grateful.

Rider- Waite Smith Tarot

Four of Swords

The Meaning of The Four of Swords

The Rider Waite-Smith Tarot version of the Four of Swords shows a person stoically laying down on what appears to be a coffin. There is a serene, contemplative look on their face, their hands together in a pyramid, the figure appears to be a yellow-y gold — a sign they are meditatively with the divine. Three swords hang above, and the fourth is displayed on the ‘coffin’ as if a mini death has occurred. The stain-glass window alludes to the setting as a place of spiritual sanctuary like a church.

We need breaks. Some breaks may be small — the cup of mid-day tea, a silent meditation, or a walk around the neighborhood. Our minds are not machines that can go on and on without stopping. Other breaks may be larger — a long hike in nature, a vacation by the beach, or even a sabbatical from work, these pauses not only gives us much needed rest & relaxation, it allows us to take a step back so that we can look back at our situation so that we may re-evaluate, re-group and contemplate any changes we may need to make and get clear on what we really want, and how we may want to proceed.

Permission to stop, drop and rest

This is especially so if you’ve been through a hard time. The figure in the Rider-Waite-Smith Tarot appears to be in armor, showing even soldiers need rest, contemplation and re-strategizing. We rest because we’re tired, but also because we gotta take a step back at times. To review our lives and ask ourselves if we need to make a change.

When you’ve pulled the Four of Swords, the Universe is giving you a permission slip to take an intentional pause. Rest, give yourself alone time and / or self-care. When we empty our thoughts, we’re more able to hear our inner voice, the guidance of our higher selves which can help provide clarity. Meditation is one way to do this, but it’s not the only way. A walk in nature, a long drive, yoga and exercise are other ways we can empty our minds and be more in touch with our divine voice within.

The Four of Swords Quotes & Wisdom

“Every person needs to take one day away. A day in which one consciously separates the past from the future. Jobs, family, employers, and friends can exist one day without any one of us, and if our egos permit us to confess, they could exist eternally in our absence. Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us.”

–Maya Angelou

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass under trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.”

–John Lubbock

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.”

– Chinese Proverb

“If you can’t go one way, there’s many ways to get where you’re going. So you just take a step back and see beyond the wall.”

– Cyndi Lauper

“Be yourself. Be true to that, to your heart. Patience. See what happens if you step back instead of bounding forward.”

— Nora Roberts

“Most people assume that meditation is all about stopping thoughts, getting rid of emotions, somehow controlling the mind. But actually it’s … about stepping back, seeing the thought clearly, witnessing it coming and going.”

— Andy Puddicombe

Intuitively exploring the Four of Swords for yourself

Use the following prompts to explore the card for yourself using any tarot deck

Describe the imagery in the card.
What elements stand out to you?
What do the elements mean to you?
How does the card make you feel?

There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to intuitive exploration. The meanings above are an interpretation of the card, but I encourage you to explore the card for yourself.

A few written paragraphs is not going to apply to everyone, but simply a starting point. Get curious and explore the card for yourself.

Received the The Four of Swords?

Additional Journaling Prompts to Ask Yourself

How can you take time and space for yourself to rest, relax and rejuvenate?
What does an intentional pause mean for your situation?
What does taking a step back mean for your situation?
When we’re ‘too close’ to a situation, we’re unable to see the big picture. Re-evaluate your situation from a big picture or bird’s eye view perspective.

Tarot decks pictured in header: (left to right)
Modern Witch Tarot, Rider-Waite Smith Tarot, Tarot of Mystical Moments, The Housewives Tarot